and sweater wearing smart ass

“I think you can make enough money with a lot of horses and a lot of blood. Just let them both go in a field. And robots. Essentially, every Michael Bay film.”

“He has long hair…always smiling…big thumbs up…the Buddy Christ.”

“Well that’s not very edifying. What the hell’s a sacrament?”

“…the Immaculate Conception of Mary, not to be confused with the immaculate reception of Frank O’Harris.”

“Humanity, everywhere, throughout time is getting better and better. Bullshit, and we know this.”

“You have 2,000 dudes gathered in St. Peter’s, talking about what it means to be married. Celibate dudes, no less.”

“Hell doesn’t sound good. It’s hot. I have a sweating problem.”

“You’re an asshole, IMHO.”

“That is an evolved human being, that one. He’s 60, he builds a cabin with his bare hands. And some elementary tools.”

“Socrates. So-Crates.”

“Anyone see that bad Jodie Foster movie? Good. Because it’s bad.”

“Questions about business? Questions about the weather.”

“I’m gonna draw a shorthand version of the school of Athens…I’ll stop being an idiot here in about two minutes.”

“Why Jesus? Because he’s groovy?”

“Homo erectuses.”

“There’s no Pediasure in the wild. You could feed the baby bark. But generally, you’re screwed.”

“Self scrutiny’s a bitch. But you gotta do it, otherwise you’re a sociopath.”

On the Apostles: “Just a ragtag group of crazies.”

On what God looks like to you: “…or Gandalf, depending on the culture you were raised in.”